Sometimes something happens you just want to record it. I have a huge list of things to do today, but this mindful moment, made me pause. Teenagers can be difficult, however, when they need to talk, we should listen. This was my morning.
Car Conversations with My Son
The song.
This morning in the car taking my son to school he played a song. He likes to play music as we drive. Within the first few bars I said,
“Smooth Operator? Really now?”
“I didn’t think you’d get it that fast.”
“What, you think I don’t know Sade?”
“Surprised me that’s all.”
We ride in silence for a bit the next song came on. He chose the song as a bridge, I knew he had something he wanted to say.
“I had a dream last night?”
“Oh, what did you dream?”
“It was more of a nightmare really. The worst thing that can happen at school happened.”
“You went to school naked?”
“Mom no!” so cute how his face gets red immediately.
“You went to school in your underwear? Got kissed? Talked to a girl?” Covers his face with his hands.
“Mom geez, no. You know the violent one.”
“Oh, school shooting.”
“Yeah. I was in this big classroom, with only like eight desks.”
“No where to hide, Humm? That can be very scary.”
“Yeah. You know the threats lately, like the one at Rocket-ship Park? I was really calm then, but now I’m not so calm. How is everybody so calm?
“You know, when we got that first message, William’s dad called and said Will wasn’t going to school, he was too scared. I reminder Tom that we live in “rich ville” most the kids here do not have access to guns, other stuff definetly, but not so many guns. You know how I won’t let you have a bee-bee gun or anything?”
“Yeah”
“Most of us here are the same. I know it happens, but you can’t let the fear keep you from living.”
“How are you calm?”
“I can’t promise it won’t happen. We don’t have control over the future or other people’s actions. We can only control our reactions.”
“Kiddo, life happens. But you have to remember, “Never let fear decide your fate.” Bad stuff happens all the time. If you are too afraid to do anything, you won’t live. You can’t let the fear trap you. Trap you inside, never going out. You have to live.”
We pulled up to the school. He busied himself with his backpack.
“Got everything you need?”
“Yeah.”
“I love you most, have a good day.”
“I love you too.”
He got out of the car, paused before closing the door.
“Thanks Mom”
“You can do it buddy. Just know if anything happens, I’ll be here no matter where I am. I’ll get to you. Got it?”
“Yeah, love you.”
He shut the door and walked away towards the school. I replayed the song.
It hit me as I drove away, my little guy has had active shooter drills in school since first grade. That is psychologically damaging. Children should not have to worry about being killed in their school.
“From 2000 through 2022, nearly all active shooters (94 percent) in education settings were male.14 Specifically,
49 of 51 active shooters at elementary and secondary schools were male; and
17 of 19 active shooters at postsecondary institutions were male.
From 2000 through 2022, a majority of active shooters in elementary and secondary schools were 12 to 18 years old (69 percent), while a majority of active shooters at postsecondary institutions were 25 years old and above (58 percent). Specifically, of the 51 active shooters at elementary and secondary schools, 35 were 12 to 18 years old, 7 were 19 to 24 years old, and 9 were 25 years old and above. Of the 19 active shooters at postsecondary institutions, 2 were 12 to 18 years old, 6 were 19 to 24 years old, and 11 were 25 years old and above.”
COE - Violent Deaths at School and Away From School, and Active Shooter Incidents
Check in with your little ones. They may need to talk.
Thank you for reading I appreciate your time. Many Blessings!
Very powerful piece. Glad to have found this and all of your work. I will be reading more from you.
I hate that this reality for our children now. Growing up I never even gave a second thought to being shot with a gun, let alone at school. Then Columbine happened, but by then I was already on to college. You're a wonderful mom to have conversations like this with your son. He's having to grow up faster than you or I did, in this particular regard.