This is not my usual light and love poetry. This poem came from a place of deep anger and sadness.
Regret
I cannot blame anyone for my situation
Accountability covers my nakedness
Sometimes I think, if only, if only
when I sit in my pity.
If only my parents loved me more
If only my family was complete
If only I had not been defiled
If only I had not chosen.
Sometimes, I remember the moment.
That should have been a pause.
Why did no one teach me how to protect?
My inner core, my innocence, my fragile soul.
Shields of perfectionism, masks, wigs,
Cover the doubt, the pain.
I find no hope, just utter despair
Why have my footsteps brought me here?
The child who wanted a little more love
The child who was brutalized in dark dank closets,
Blindfold-chanting-panting-lime-green-chair…
Why did I trust the person who brought me there?
I needed clothing, I needed a meal,
In the silence to feed my needs.
Then, older me, when I needed you there
Only to find my arms completely bare.
Regret chokes me, it’s hard to breathe.
Like my mother, who said you are
where you are, what you are
Because you chose these things
You deserve what you get
You made your bed now lie in it.
Thank you for reading I appreciate your time. Many Blessings!
It's not your fault!
Be kind to yourself 💕this was a beautiful read even with the anger.